Monday, April 24, 2006
US citizens can be divided into two types of people: those who own a hot glue gun and those who don’t. It’s maybe not a statement you hear every day, but I can back it up.
I imagine that many of you in the second category don’t even know what a hot glue gun is. You are thinking that maybe it’s some kind of sick armament that sprays burning adhesive at people. Actually, the HGG (as it will be referred to in the future) is an electric tool that melts plastic and oozes it onto surfaces that you want to bond. It’s the weapon of choice for all serious craft-y type people.
I had been hearing the siren call of the HGG for years. They are terribly good for gluing together just about anything. If you need to, for example, stick bits of broken costume jewelry all over a basket (been there, done that), the HGG is definitely the way to go.
But I only recently acquired this oh-so-useful item. Why? Because I knew that the majority of HGG owners are "different". For example, they decorate their homes with a “country” décor. Strange, but true. This means that they see teddy bears as a legitimate ornamental element and favor gingham upholstery. I was a little afraid that if I bought a HGG, I’d have an uncontrollable urge to take down my funky African wall hangings and put up landscapes painted onto rusty old saw blades. My lamps would be made from old milk cans and our end-tables from butter churns.
It’s a weirdly American problem. You don’t see French people decorating their homes with churns and milk cans- unless they actually have cows and make butter at home.
And you know-the Americans that decorate this way tend to have voted for Bush in the last election. And we ask ourselves- are these sick decorating and voting patterns being CAUSED by hot glue-gun ownership?
Also, could this explain the close links between the Republicans and the NRA??? They fear stricter gun-control laws will limit their God-given right to glue!